Notre Dame Football: Bye Week Q&A with Local Dunce Pat Rick

This is pure nonsense, which is just what you’re probably looking for on a lighthearted, stress-free bye week Friday

Hello friends!!! As all of you are extremely aware (due to the lack of anxiety you’re feeling about watching college football tomorrow), the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team has a bye this week, meaning we can all sit at home eating cheeseburgers in peace.

With that said, I figured instead of our typical Opponent Q&A, I’d step to the other side of the microphone and answer a handful of fan questions you all submitted earlier in the week. Let’s dive into some nonsense!!!

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FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: I mean, I hope so, right?? Even if we remove the 1-play, 4-yard touchdown drive that put the Irish up 21-7 at the end of the quarter, the ND offense’s other two possessions were:

• 12 plays, 75 yards, TOUCHDOWN
• 4 plays, 53 yards, TOUCHDOWN

On those two drives, Riley Leonard was 7/8 passing for 74 yards and a touchdown, and the Irish ran for 63 yards on 7.0 yards per carry and 1 rushing touchdown. It was largely efficient, mostly played to the strengths of Leonard and co., and was a heckuva response to a tough start with the fumbled kickoff and easy first touchdown for Louisville.

With all that said, I don’t think after 5 games I feel super confident in saying that Mike Denbrock’s offense has “figured it out” or that we should expect to see that kind of offensive performance and strategy consistently going forward. They need to prove to me they can maintain that level of play for an extended period of time — I’m tired of excuses like “they were trying not to make mistakes against A&M” and “Leonard was clearly thrown off by the cheap shot” — this is football, and at some point the Notre Dame offense needs to play like that no matter what the situation or opponent is.

One thing I will say — we’re about to hit a stretch of somewhat-easier competition from now until the USC game, especially when it comes to the defenses the Irish will be facing. That alone should lead to some more consistently-good offensive execution by ND — although NIU and Miami Ohio were not that long ago, so let’s not count our chickens before they hatch, especially because some of these teams look like they could be a bit peskier than anticipated (looking at you, Army and Navy).

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: I’m gonna go with no, because it was actually ruled a fumble on the field and then got overturned via replay. Thus, I’m not sure what a challenge would have accomplished and it definitely wouldn’t have been worth losing a timeout over.

I was at the game and thus only have seen the play from the couple of angles they showed us on the Jumbotron. I think it was REALLY close and I could definitely understand if you wanted to make an argument that it was too close to say indisputably either way, and thus the call on the field (fumble + fumble return TD by Loghan Thomas) should stand.

But, if I was the official reviewing that replay, based on what I saw on that Jumbotron, I would have overturned it as well. To me it really looked like his arm was going forward and thus it was a pass, not a fumble. The Irish fan in me, of course, is screaming “NAH MAN THAT STANDS, HELL YEAH LOGHAN THOMAS” but I just don’t really think that was the case.

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: This question is unfortunately way outside my area of expertise/basic knowledge/interest — I’m not really into sneakers and certainly do not know much about Jordans, especially if we’re talking about naming 12+ different pairs of them.

Instead, just knowing how the NIU game went and how the offense has looked, the only Jordans I would be wearing this year would be the Crying Jordan face* — because I once again allowed myself after the A&M game to buy into this team finally being good enough to compete for a title, only for my heart to be quickly ripped from my chest once again (a theme I’ll talk more about in the final question).

*Truly incredible that this meme has its own Wikipedia page, and I love that it taught me that some people call this the “Weepy J.”

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: Love this question and I wish I’d been able to dedicate more time to it this week, but work and personal life are teaming up to inhibit that. With that said, here’s what I’ve got for just food/beverage-related puns based on player names:

• Beaux “Tom” Collins — a surprisingly good cocktail handed to us by Clemson
• Jaden Greathouse Wine — i.e. “they have a great house wine here”
• Tosh “Bread” Baker and Jack Kiser Roll — love me some carbs, baby
• Sully “Monster Cookie” Absher — went with a Monster’s Inc. tie-in for this one so we could mention the cookie classically known as a peanut butter cookie with oats, M&Ms, and chocolate chips
• “Pretzel” Rod Heard — self-explanatory
• Jaiden “The snAusberries taste like snAusberries!” — I need to rewatch both Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Super Troopers, it’s been a minute for both

• Eli “Likes His Steaks Rare”-idon — the best way to eat steak, in my humble opinion
• Cooper “What’s For Dessert Tonight?” “Flan-again” — AGAIN?! I love flan but come on, Mom!
• Drayk Bow-tie(en) Pasta — one of my favorite shapes of pasta, not gonna lie
• Ben Spinach AKA Ben Minich – I am pretty sure Minich is not pronounced the same as spinach but I’m gonna force this one anyway because I love the idea of his nickname being Ben Spinach
• Kyngstonn Black Apple Viliamu-Asa — shout-out to some family friends of my wife who own a cidery and opened my eyes to Kingston Black apple cider!
• Kevin “Ramen” Bauman — again, not sure the rhyme really exists here but let’s not noodle on it for too long and just keep moving
• Joshua “Don’t Let Him Cook Any Meals, He’ll Always” Burnham — ayoooooooo

I’ll need more time to come up with food items that represent some of the key players not listed above (e.g. Jeremiyah Love is pizza because even when it’s not at its best, it’s still really, really good; Xavier Watts is meal-prep chili because it’s versatile, can be whatever you need it to be depending on ingredients, and gets better as the week/season/career goes on with all the flavors comingling together in the fridge).

For now, this will have to do — excellent question and happy belated birthday, Jimmy Buckets!!!

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: If we’re strictly speaking “emblematic” then I’m running with pumpkin as the winner. Like SEC football, corn means more overall and I like it more and feel it’s more versatile, but corn is a fruit that we enjoy year-round (love me a freshly grilled ear of corn at a summer BBQ, for example). Pumpkin is much less frequently found as a featured fruit any time except the fall, and so I feel if you want to pick a fruit that most symbolizes that time of year, you go with the one associated almost exclusively with that time of year and one that has a whole holiday where it’s the only fruit featured (Halloween).

Corn is certainly up there when it comes to best-tasting fruits. However, you asked the wrong guy, because as much as I love corn, my #1 fruit was, is, and always will be strawberries. Here’s my “elite” tier of fruits (I looked up what is technically a fruit since corn is qualifying here, so there are gonna be some different ones), in case you were really wondering what my favorites are (I can’t imagine that you weren’t):

• Strawberries
• Corn
• Green Grapes
• Peppers (jalapeno, shishito, banana, bell, serrano, habanero, really any of ‘em except for maybe the hottest of the hot)
• Avocados
• Blackberries
• Granny Smith and Honeycrisp Apples
• Pineapples
• Bananas
• Green Beans

In terms of how corn compares to the specific fruits you mentioned, please see below for further details on my thoughts:

• Corn vs. Jalapeno Peppers: neck-and-neck, I’d maybe give corn the edge just because it’s so versatile but I love jalapenos so it could go either way depending on what I’m cravin’
• Corn vs. Squash: corn is superior
• Corn vs. Peas: corn is superior, especially over peas that have been de-podded (podded? shucked?) — I do love peapods in a stir-fry or salad though
• Corn vs. Cucumbers: corn is vastly superior, I don’t mind cucumbers but they do nothing for me. Meh.
• Corn vs. Olives: olives are disgusting, from taste to texture — corn runs circles around olives and it’s it never needed to be close

Finally, on gazpacho: I haven’t had a lot of that cold soup mixture in my life so perhaps I just need to try an actually-good gazpacho, but the concept grosses me out a bit. Just something about cold soup and how it sounds like a non-alcoholic Bloody Mary makes me cringe. However, I WILL use this gazpacho talk as an excuse to post this I Think You Should Leave clip, which I think is why you really wanted to ask me that question:

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: Buddy, you asked the WRONG guy this question.

I LOVE candy corn. I also love those candy pumpkins that Brachs makes. There’s just something about that pure, processed, synthetic, intensely sweet, 100% sugar taste that makes me excited for Halloween.

I will give you the fact that I don’t want to eat candy corn all the time or year-round — I would get sick of them pretty fast if they weren’t just an October candy. But with their limited relevance that month, I am all-abord the candy corn train and it ranks WAY higher than candies I actually would describe as being potentially the “worst candy ever.”

What candies would those be, might you ask? My thoughts:

• Almond Joy/Mounds — disgusting
• Circus Peanuts — just horrifying
• Dots — horrible texture, hard pass
• Good & Plenty — no thank you
• Peanut Butter Kisses (those gooey monstrosities wrapped in black and orange wax paper) — gagging thinking about them
• Anything black licorice

As a bonus, here are the candies I COULD eat all the time, year-round, and never get sick of them:

• KitKat
• Twix
• M&Ms (original)
• Sour Patch Kids
• Albanese gummy bears
• Sno Caps
• Reese’s Cups
• SweeTART Jelly Beans
• Original Spree and Original SweeTARTS (not chewy)
• Nestle Treasures (not sure these exist anymore, but they SLAPPED)
• Werther’s Original because I’m old and washed and love that shit

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: Why should they run these formations, you ask? Because their passing game STINKS OUT LOUD and Riley Leonard would probably thrive mentally in an offense where he can just focus on orchestrating a devastating rushing attack and not have to worry about making reads, a collapsing pocket, passing accuracy, not throwing picks, etc.

Why shouldn’t they run these formations? Because whatever wide receiver talent this program has on the team and committed/targeted in recruiting (which, granted, is an okay but not spectacular assortment of talent on the team and an underwhelming list of recruits right now) would probably leave to go play for an offense that will actually throw the ball successfully. It’s hard to stand out as a wideout with pro aspirations in college in an offense where you run the ball 90-95% of the time.

With that said, I say let’s try it and see what happens. In modern football, the only teams running such run-heavy schemes are service academies who don’t have elite talent to work with. Maybe the Irish, with their deep offensive line group and top-notch running backs and QB who’s an elite runner would be able to absolutely destroy some opponents with this, and then also find a way to run a limited-but-effective passing offense from these formations.

FAN QUESTION:

Pat Rick, One Foot Down: I ask myself these questions probably 20+ times per year, if not more — almost always in relation to Notre Dame football.

The answer to the first question is an emphatic yes, but with a major caveat: I would rather be amongst the idiots with my opinion on this issue, rather than be “smart” and walled-off and soulless by removing myself from college sports fandom. College sports is such a wild ride and I love how we all go on that ride together, sharing in the amazing highs, the depressing and frustrating lows, and all the super weird and entertaining middle things that happen as a direct result of closely following the athletic performance of a bunch of 17-25-year-olds.

I will never understand people who don’t love college sports. I don’t mind pro sports, but it always feels so sanitized and corporate and lacking any real personality. College football of course has its share of $$$ and politics that can be off-putting, but there’s such a rich history in the sport with weird traditions, regional quirks, intense rivalries that have existed for over a century, etc. And to follow all of that but not get emotionally invested or to not care makes even less sense to me — either go all-in or don’t go at all.

I’ll gladly accept all the downsides of investing that heavily in something like this because the entertainment, community, power, and high points completely make up for it. E.g. despite the way that season ended, I will cherish forever that 2012 football season, particularly moments like the Stanford goal line stand in the rain and watching the Irish crush Oklahoma’s spirit in the 4th quarter. I’ll always remember the mix of fun and pure hatred in the air when Elijah Shumate gave us that Remember the Six moment against Michigan in 2014. I will never forget the way I felt high-fiving random strangers around me when B-Mo had that pick-six vs. Clemson, or when Xavier Watts returned that fumble for a TD against USC, or even when I celebrated with other ND dudes in the Notre Dame Stadium bathroom when Jalen Watts-Jackson ruined Michigan on that fateful botched punt in 2015. Ask any college football fan about the Boise State/Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl and watch their eyes light up with delight in revisiting that memory.

College sports is electric, and the awesomeness of it more than makes up for the shitty parts, like losing to Marshall and NIU or seeing conference realignment threaten to destroy the regionality that’s always made college football so fun. I will never stop loving this stupid, amazing sport, and if that’s idiotic then I’ll gladly be King of the Idiots.

As for the 2nd question — no, I don’t think there’s a single better excuse to drink Hamm’s in a parking lot at 10am on a Saturday. So for that reason alone, college sports fandom is worth hanging onto, amiright?

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Okay folks, that does it for me this week — thanks for reading my rambling, incoherent answers, and I apologize for not knowing more about Jordans. My bad on that one.

Per usual, GO IRISH, BEAT BYE!!!